Ladies and gentlemen, gather round as I unravel the chaotic soap opera that is beauty standards. It’s the wildest runway you never signed up for but somehow, everyone ends up walking on it. From thigh gaps to high cheekbones to eyebrows so bold they could stage a revolution. The beauty world’s demands have been shifting faster than your favorite influencer’s new contour routine.
Here’s a fun fact: If you blinked in the last decade, you probably missed at least three new “ideal” body types. One year, it’s all about sun-kissed beach babes with barely-there makeup, you know ‘the no makeup, makeup; the next, it’s dazzling porcelain skin with a filter-like glow that screams, “I never sleep but look flawless anyway.” Can anyone keep up? Spoiler alert: No one can.
“If I could achieve self-love by simply plucking away my insecurities, I would have already taken over the world..”
The real kicker? These standards are so unpredictable that sometimes they contradict each other. We want natural beauty, but only if it looks curated. We want diversity, yet mainstream magazines mostly showcase “diverse” as one token variation. We celebrate individuality so long as it fits the algorithm-friendly mold. And heaven forbid you embrace wrinkles or freckles. Those are suddenly “against the grain” unless a celebrity is hip enough to declare them the latest trend.
And then there’s that alleged “universal beauty,” which sounds deliciously vague and everyone’s favorite unicorn. Spoiler: it doesn’t exist, because how can it with billions of humans on the planet? Yet brands and media still try to bottle it up like it’s the holy grail, sprinkling a little alien standard of perfection everywhere.

The one that strikes me as both unrealistic and amusing is the standard for women’s bodies: wide hips, a small waist, no belly at all, a large chest, porcelain doll-like skin, and absolutely no body hair except for the hair on your head, which should be bone straight. Hello! Some of us have type 4 hair, and they expect women to maintain this look even after having children. Do they even realize how painful waxing is?
The funny (and tragic) part? Many of us chase these standards vigorously by investing in products and procedures that may make us feel better, but sometimes just keep us running in the beauty hamster wheel. It’s like trying to catch smoke with your hands; exhausting, messy, and ultimately impossible.
So what’s the takeaway? Maybe it’s time to stop treating beauty standards like a strict runway show and start viewing them as a quirky, ever-changing art exhibit. One where you get to hang your own masterpiece without criticism.
Because, let’s be honest, the best kind of beauty standard we could have is the one where everyone decides what looks good on themselves even if that means rocking a neon pink mullet or proudly flaunting a signature gap between their teeth. That truly is a revolution worth joining.